Help Overcoming the Effects of Bereavement on Children and Their Understanding

As adults, although the effects of bereavement have an effect on us, we know that death is inevitable and comes to us all one day, but a child's understanding of death is not the same. 

The reason for the loss of life can also have an effect on children.  Be it a long illness, a sudden death, natural causes, or a more violent reason, their vulnerability must be carefully managed.  Dying of old age for example, as is often the explanation given in the case of grandparents, can affect the child's confidence, as no matter how young you feel, to your child, you’re old! The James Holmes Technique will allow the child to release their emotions, without adding more stress to their situation.

The loss of a parent is the ultimate loss, but loosing anyone close to them is very frightening to children of all ages.  During bereavement their need to be supported emotionally, is equal to the need to be reassured that ‘they are safe’, that although dying is very sad it does not mean that everyone is going to ‘disappear’.

Children of different ages react in a number of different ways to the death of someone close, and not always as an adult may expect.  The James Holmes Technique will give your child the opportunity to release themselves from fears and unresolved anxieties

Very young children, have little sense of time or distance, so final and forever mean nothing.  Dead to them means ’less alive’.  From the ages of five to eight children’s conception changes, they become more ‘aware’, they begin to understand more now than when they were younger that death is final.

So from about nine years, most children will have an adult view of death, although this will depend on their development and their past experiences of death. The best way of understanding what children think and feel about death is to listen carefully and be guided by them.  The James Holmes technique has been developed to allow the child to release their buried and surface emotions, without adding more stress to their situation.

The death of someone your child knows will not be their first experience of loss, loosing a favorite toy, starting school, moving house and leaving friends are all little loses which can be referred to when helping them understand that the pain they feel is normal, but they are going to be ok.

However, with all of the reassurances you give to your child, they may experience a wide range of feelings during these events, including anger, guilt, confusion, sadness and depression, these are normal reactions when mourning, it is how they are allowed to express these emotions that will help them heal.  Of course some children may not express openly how they are feeling leading carers to think that they aren't affected by the death., and this is where the development of the James Holmes Technique comes into its own, allowing the children to release their feelings and resolve their conflict in a safe way.

However, any altered behavior may indicate that they are suffering and need support and acknowledgement of their pain. Common behavior changes include becoming withdrawn, bed-wetting, lack of concentration, clinging, bullying, telling lies and being aggressive, all of which may indicate their disturbed state.

Teenagers' grief reactions are similar to those of adults, but negative feelings may lead to violence and aggression. Mood swings and periods of depression are common but it may be difficult to separate them from normal adolescent behavior. Tension and fighting within the family may become more common. Like adults, teenagers may suffer from headaches, sleep difficulties and eating disturbances.  Some Teenagers find it difficult to communicate their feelings and tend to bottle things up, so the James Holmes Technique is a gentle self empowering way for them to release their worries and emotions.

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